Operation Get Ichigo to Shag Rukia So she can forget About Kaien!
by Animaddie
Summary: University AU: Rukia and Orihime are students at University, a certain black-haired Shiba at ju-Jitsu is sending Rukia crazy, however he's in a long-term relationship so Rukia and Orihime decide to come up with a plan! Will it end well? Do these things ever? ;D Please take it with a pinch of salt, and Rukia and Orihime are a little OC (Orihime especially) just a bit of fun! :D
1. Chapter 1

Hey guys, new fanfic, just to let you know, Orihime especially in this, is a bit OC, however I thought it's be fun for her character as they're all a little older in this (around 20/21). Also, be aware for language/obscenity? They're just a little 'rude' ;)

Anyways, i'll leave you to read now :D

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach (Apart from the chemical kind 8D )**

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"I'm in too deep" Rukia flopped on to her bed, slapping her hand across her face, cheeks ablazen, sighing to her roommate

"How on earth I am going to be able to focus when he's literally _lying on top of me_?" Her roommate sprung to her arms on her bed

"I thought you did Jujitsu?!"

"I do"

"So why did you have a guy on top of you?!"

Rukia just looked over and stared incredulously, her hair a mess, face sweaty and arms bruised

"Did you really just ask that?"

Orihime Inoue just blushed and twiddled her fingers

"Well, I did Karate not Jujitsu, and we never had people lying on us" Rukia just cocked an eyebrow

"You never did floor-strangle, slash, rape-prevention techniques?" Orihime flicked her eyes up at her

"Our sensei taught us that we should never let ourselves get pinned to the ground in the first place" She said, with a straight face. Rukia however, chucked a pillow at her, face grimacing

"Shut up"

Orihime giggled, and furthered her questioning

"But, yeah, why was he lying on top of you, and I didn't think you'd find it all that awful" She grinned wiggling her eyebrows. Rukia burned red and chucked another pillow

"Since when have you been this pervy?! Since we've got into Uni all you ever talk or hint about is sex! What ever happened to poor little innocent Inoue?!" She mocked, her eyes wide and hands grabbing at the air like beaks

"She grew up" She stated, with a shrug and small smile. Rukia rolled her eyes

"Well, like I mentioned, we were doing a floor-strangle escape technique, and I got paired with him. HIM. Of all fucking people!" Rukia groaned, pressing her hand to her face

Orihime grinned mischievously

"You enjoyed it didn't you?"

"Completely" Rukia answered, hand still on her face, Orihime burst out laughing as her friend continued to bury her face in her hands. Orihime stifled the giggles and carried on

"Rukia, why don't you just tell him? You've had this crush for about half a year! That's almost as long as mine was on Ichigo!"

"I still have no idea what you saw in him, talk about annoying. But besides, Kaien has a _girlfriend_ Inoue, and not even, like, an insignificant one, he's been dating her for _four years_! That's practically marriage-kids-pop-your-clogs stuff! How can I even compete with that?" She groaned, Orihime looked to her, brows furrowed in thought, finger to her lips

"Well you could just continue to enjoy being sexually tortured in these 'escape moves' for the rest of your life, I'm sure that'll end well for you" Rukia flicked her eyes over to her best friend, whose face was dead-pan serious

"Oh fuck you" She buried her face into the mattress as Orihime burst out laughing again, wiping a tear from her eye she carried on

"Well I don't know why you won't just get over it. You know there's nothing you can do, you just need to forget about him 'that way' like I did with Ichigo"

"Eh! Excuse me! You had Ishida to take him off your mind! The only other men in that club are about 20 years older, and or married! I'd like to see you try!" She snarked, her face fuming at her friend again. Orihime couldn't lose the grin though

"Well you are at, you know, UN is there no chance of you scoring a guy here?"

"You know exactly why I can't find a guy here"

"Because you're being a prudish virgin?" Orihime deadpanned. Rukia just stared

"You know full well that I'm not a virgin anymore"

"You may as well be"

"Oh shut Uuup!" She whined buring her face in her pillow again. As much as Rukia wanted to deny it, she'd been horny for far too long, and Kaien was only making it far, far, far worse.

"Well I'd hardly count a very drunken encounter with Ichigo as losing your virginity"

"Ichigo wasn't the only one! And besides, it wasn't that bad, I even remember some of it"

"You said he was too annoying not five minutes ago!"

"Yes, but he's still not that bad in bed, at least from what I remember, you know, considering we were on a couch at Renji's flat"

"Your standards amaze me"

"I distinctly remember you and Ishida getting very feely at that party too, talking about standards. The whole thing was practically an orgy" She raised an eyebrow, resting her head on her hands as she looked at her friend

"I'd like to disassociate myself from that image entirely. It was merely half an orgy." She stated proudly, and the girls burst out laughing again. They calmed down after a moment, and Rukia continued, apparently lost somewhere long ago

"Who'dve thought we'd have changed this much, _Inoue-san_" She grinned to her friend, Orihime grinned back  
"I know right, you turning into some confident, horny sex beast that lost her virginity on a couch at Renji's flat, to Ichigo kurosaki, my ex-sex-God" She mused in the memory

"Okay, you would have never had said he was your sex-God" Rukia dead-panned

"Little did you know"

Rukia burst out laughing

"Well, you can't talk, I distinctly remember you being a shy bumbly little girl with a very sweet crush on said sex-god. You never would have even uttered the word until we started Uni"

"I know. How did we live, Rukia?" She stared into the distance "To imagine, we were once, innocent"

Rukia shook her head

"I never was, tumblr discovered me at 15 and I never went back"

"What?! Why didn't you tell me?!" Orihime whined

"Tell you? I thought you were still in the pigtails-and-frilly-skirts stage!"

"With _that_ as a crush? I don't think so Rukia."

"He does have a godly body, I can't deny that. But to think we're friends with him" She shook her head

"To think you _shagged_ him, you mean"

"Meh, it happens" She blew on her fingernails and flicked her eyes to Orihime, who in turn burst out laughing

"Hang on!" She stopped giggling and shot straight up on her knees (on the bed) her finger pointed in the air

"Why don't you just have sex with Ichigo to take your mind off Kaien?"

"What?" Rukia deadpanned, her hand paused mid-air

"No, really, you're both single, he's not looking for commitment, you're practically gagging for it and you've already had the awkward-drunken-virginity sex, its _perfect_!" She exclaimed, eyes glittering and hands clapping furiously

"I-I am NOT gagging for it!" Rukia spluttered, grabbing on to the edge of the bed, Orihime almost mirrored her action, her face deadpanning

"Don't try and fool yourself Rukia, only last week did you, and I quote, utter the words 'I want him to go down on me for so long he has to evolve gills' Which, I may add was taken from a certain TV series we both watch"

"He-yeah, bu-"

"No buts. We're doing this Rukia"

"But Ichigo's ANNOYING! And besides, why would he want to have casual sex with me? We've been friends for 8 years, and there's nothing that's indicated he's had any interest in me." She exclaimed, arms flailing on the bed as her face crumpled and her arms folded back over, looking rather like a spilt child

"You lost your virginity to him didn't you?" Orihime spoke, her voice and position exactly the same as before. Rukias face frowned slightly, and she gripped the bed again

"Yes bu-"

"And you said yourself, he has a Godly body"

"yes bu-"

"And Rukia, believe it or not, you actually are _hot, _Ichigo at least sees that, or he wouldn't have fucked you"

"I never said I wasn-"

"And you only have to have sex with him, it's not like you have to talk." She finished, her hands ungripping the bed, and folding with one resting under her chin

"I'm not gonna get out of this am I?" Rukia exhumed, her body slouching forward

"Nope" Orihime chirped, a huge grin on her face

"Ugh, how are we even going to get him to agree?"

Orihime grinned mischeviously

"Oh I'm sure we'll find a way. Operation; Get Ichigo to Shag Rukia So she can forget About Kaien, commence!"

"I think you need to come up with a shorter name . . ."

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So, thoughts? It's a little vulgar, but again, just a bit of fun :D What did you think? Should I continue? :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys, thanks for so many reviews and follows! I had no Idea I would get this many, so thank you so much! Here's the next chapter, and I hope it does you justice!_  
_**

**Disclaimer: I don't own bleach**

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"Fuck"

"_Fuckity fuck_"

"Fuckity fuckity fuckity fuck"

"Orihime, did you even think this out?!" Rukia half-yelled to the girl after snapping out of their combination of profanities, on her left. Said girl could only stare onwards

"No. No you bloody-well didn't, did you?" Rukia fumed, shaking her head and stuffing her arms over each other, refusing to look at her friend.

"I can't believe this" Orihime muttered still in a daze. "How could this even happen?"

"Uh, because you suck at planning" Rukia chided, her voice softening a little. Orihime's lips began to tremble, and her eyes grew large

"Rukia, what have I done? How can this have happened? I _swear_ it said the fifth on the posters!" she whimpered, turning to grab Rukias arms

"Chad's going to be so disappointed" Rukia stated, slowly shaking her head, voice emitting pure discontent

"Urrrpmphh!" Orihime's voive began to tremble, eyes pleading Rukia "It-it said the fifth!" she sniffed, burying her head in Rukias folded arms. Rukia decided to ease her friends pain, lifting an arm, Orihime's head moved up to find three _particular_ tickets wafting in her face.

"Having an aristocrat brother can sometimes come in handy" Rukia teased, sticking her tongue out, Orihime's eyes grew into saucers

"RUKIAA!"

Rukia chuckled at her friend

"Who's the daddy?"

Orihime quirked and eye at her

"I didn't know you had a penis, Rukia"

Rukia deadpanned

"You're a penis."

Orihime chuckled, grinning up at her friend

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry, thank you for saving my butt Rukia!" She grinned crushing her tiny friend in a death-vice-hug

"Khhrp, yeah, yeah, Ghet off!" She wheezed and her friend quickly let go, Rukia hunching over as she caught her breath. She flicked her eyes to her concerned companion.

"You really need to remember your boobs, Orihime. You're gonna kill me."

Said friend grinned sheepishly, scratching the back of her head

"Sorry, Rukia"

. . . . . . . . . .

"How are we going to do this though? It's not like we can just go, 'Hey strawberry, fancy a shag?'. It's not the most . . . appealing way to ask, you know" Rukia stressed, scrunching her face in her hands. Her and Orihime were sat at a booth in a café, discussing the method of 'OGITSRSSCFAK' (Inoue shortened it).

"I dunno, Ichigo can be a pretty dull knife, it might be the best way to do it?" Orihime wondered, slurping on a milkshake. Rukia looked through her fingers in disdain, groaning

"Why did I agree to this?"

"Because Kaiens godly body is driving you sexually insane. And you know, Ichigo's pretty hot." Orihime answered earnestly as she took another spoon of her ice-cream. Rukia only scowled ahead at her

"You're a dick"

"Not my fault you're not getting any. No need to be cranky" She replied, still not looking at her as she ate another spoonful of tomato ice cream. (Yes, it's possible)

Rukia just glared through her fingers, before groaning and clutching her head as she thudded it onto the table. Staying in this position, Orihime heard a muffled

"Sorry"

Orihime grinned and patted her friend on the head

"Don't worry. We'll get you your sex. It'll just take tactics"

"Uughh"

. . . . . . . . . .

Ichigo Kurosaki was sat at the desk in his room when he heard his phone begin to buzz. Picking it up, he answred

"Yo."

"Hey Ichigo."

"Chad? What's up?"

"Rukia got the tickets"

Ichigo sweat-dropped, noticing the slightest change in his best-friends voice, anyone else would have said it was the same, but Ichigo knew better

"You want me to drive don't you?"

" . . ."

"Well, sure, but I aint going in there"

"Rukia can ge-

"I aint going in there"

" . . . "

"It's fine, I'll wait in the car"

" . . ."

"No, I'll just read a book, it's fine"

" . . . "

"Chad. Mate, I aint going into a Celine Dion concert, I know you've wanted these tickets since we were 12, but it just aint my thing"

" . . . "

"I'll miss you too buddy, but I'll be happy reading in the car. You're still going out after aren't you?"

" . . ."

"There you go, I'll just join you then, I'll just have to catch up on the drinking once we're there"

" . . . Thanks, Ichigo"

"No worries mate" Ichigo grinned "I know how much you've wanted to see her"

He heard Chad smile through the phone

"Right, so when is it?"

. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Orihime and Rukia were sat in their room, Rukia reading a book as she lounged on the bed, and Orihime listening intently to her music. A phone began to buzz on the side, both turned to the phone and Orihime picked it up, taking a bud out her ear.

"Heyooo?"

"Oh hi Chad!" Orihime beamed into the phone, and Rukia put the book down, watching the conversation

"No, we don't have a lift"

"OH REALLY?!" Rukia nearly jumped back, the force of Orihime's enthusiasm shocked her

"Uh huh, uh huh, nono, that's _great _news"

As chad spoke to Orihime, a devilish smirk crossed her face

"Nono, I think Rukia will be _ecstatic_"

Rukia quipped an eyebrow at this, feeling a nervous sensation begin to swell in her gut

"Uh huh, yep, no that's great, are we just walking from his house then?"

'_**His**__ house?_' Rukia thought, the sensation growing

"Yep, no that's fine, I seem to remember it was pretty close anyway."

"Awesome, so you'll be here for 6?"

"Yep, it's on Saturday."

"Okay, 6 on Saturday, and the four of us are going to Ukitakes once it's over?" A pause as chad was speaking, and Orihime lifted her eyes to meet Rukias, near evil glazing her face

"Oh no, it's _perfect_" She continued with the face

"Okay, bye!" She sung, still watching Rukia.

"You're getting laid on Saturday"

Rukias eyebrows shot up

"_What?!"_

"Ichigo's driving us to the concert and staying to drive us back to his, where we will then go to Ukitakes and have a night of drunken funness" Orihime's face looked like the cat that had got the cream.

"Oh, and chad said thanks, by the way!" She quipped matter-of-factly, momentarily loosing the evil grin.

It was too much for Rukia to take in at once. Her eyes bulging, she exploded

"You-Cel-He-WHAT?!"

Orihime rolled her eyes

"On Saturday, Ichigo and Chad are picking us up at 6 for the concert. Ichigo is driving us there so we can drink, and he's gonna stay in the car until it's over. He is then going to drive us back to his house, so he can drop off the car, and then we are all walking to Ukitakes club, where he is going to catch up to us on drinking, and then we're staying there for a bit. What happens as a result of the drunken-fun, is entirely up to you and Ichigo during that evening, but I wouldn't waste the chance, Rukia. You best dress to knock his socks off."

Rukia could only blink profusely at her friend, before exhaustedly flopping back onto the bed.

"I'm really gonna have to dress well, aren't I?" Rukia said exasperatively, placing a hand over her face

"The leather is your best bet, yes." Orihime nodded in earnest, understanding what her friend had meant

"Bloody _hell_"

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Okay, that's the end of the chapter! And Yes, tomato ice-cream is a possibility! I wouldn;t be surprised in japan, but we have it in England too! Hehe!

OH, Ichigo's phone conversation with Chad, I thought it'd be a funny gag for Ichigo to understand Chad without him actually saying anything, even over the phone, so I hope that came across okay. I hope you enjoyed it!


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